Today I read a story (here), about a new technology called “MyKey” coming out in the new 210 ford Focus coupe, and is part of their new “Driving Skills for Life” program.
The key lets parents set limits to things like how fast the car can go (e.g. restricting it to 75 mph), even down to limits on the volume of the stereo.
I imagine that with how inexpensive technology is becoming, and with the increased instances of on-board GPS systems, the time is not far distant when parents will even be able to set distance parameters, restricting vehicles from traveling farther than a certain number of miles from your home, or other restrictions.
The gospel teaches us that we should “teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves”, but should there moderation in this, as in all things? What are the acceptable limits to how much “intervention” a parent should enforce upon their children (regardless of how good the intent)?
Rather than posting my opinions now, I’d like to ask your thoughts, and explore the discussion together.
Rusty
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
The one word that comes to my mind is “TRUST”. I certainly wish someone had told this to me when I was raising my kids (or maybe they did and I didn’t listen?).
Before a child reaches a milestone (like turning 16 when they can date and drive) parents should decide what privileges they want their kids to have and what they need to do to earn them. As long as the rules are followed, the kids can fully enjoy the privileges. If the rules are broken then trust is lost and there must be consequences.
The use I see for “My Key” would be for taking some of the privileges away, if necessary. There would then need to be steps to earn them back. As long as your child is generally a good kid and trustworthy, maybe you could start with the full privilege and go from there. Or you might want to start restricted and go up as they earn it. You just have to know your child and pray for inspiration. The key is to be united as parents and involved with your kids. Make sure they know you care and are watching. Reward good behavior. Be consistant.
I’m sure there are many wise parents out there who can add their opinions to mine. My kids are all grown, but looking back, there are things I could have done better. Most important: love your kids!
I like that. I’m a big believer in principle of consequences, and it’s innate ability to curb bad behaviors and reinforce good behaviors. The notion of using these restrictions simply as consequences is a really interesting idea, and when your kids know they’re “rewards-based”, then it’s not so much that you’re simply enforcing an iron-hand and restricting their behavior, as it is self-imposed restrictions based on performance. Sounds a lot like the eternal law of consequences we see in scripture. Good decisions means more liberty, bad decisions put us in situations of less liberty.
Sounds like just a great selling point for parents. Here is a flaw in the way the parents may govern the teen’s driving.
Let’s say it is all set-up and programed that the max speed is say 40MPH because they are expected to stay off the Highways. There then arises an emergency that they need to rush some to the Hospital (if taught right they will know how to saftly do this) and they rush at the 40 MPH when they must go faster…
I do like the sound volume limmits for the radio. I think that would be a boon to any parent, along with the ability to eliminate the radio all together, it won’t turn on without the Parent’s approval.
The best thing I think you touched upon is to teach them right, teach them honesty and righteous action through out their life and give them the tools to Drive safe. Part of this training should include What-Ifs, and emergency Driving… Teaching them when it is Ok to go fast and how to do so safely. I will teach my kids to use their emergency blinkers , flash their lights and honk their horns at other cars and intersections when in an emergency (then pray they will never have to do so) so that they are prepaired to respond safely in those situations ( I will also give them some “Speed” experience, Parking lot – Quick acceleration and breaking, Power turning/breaking just before turning, and quick handleing of the vechial also on the open road experience. My best saving grase was Highway driving a the speed limit, with my Dad guiding me as to what things to watch for and quizing me on how fast others were going and what drivers were going to do a few minutes down the road – anticipation of the actions of others has been key to survival in my speed demon days. but I do so respect the correct application of teaching our kids to be righteous.
-D
Ditchu, sounds like you are much more technical than me. I’ve read that the judgement area of the brain doesn’t fully develop until about age 25. it’s kind of scary to give 16 year olds the privilege to drive. Arming them with knowledge of what to do in emergencies is a great idea. If only parents could be sure their kids would only use that high speed in an emergency…. That’s where knowing your kids and inspiration come in.
Heavenly Father gives us the rules, gives us our agency, and then we face the consequences of our choices. Sounds like a good plan.
Seems like Iam not in agreement with the other replies..I wish this had been around when my boys were growing.up.My youngest wrecked many a car because he was out riding with ” the guys” talking and having fun and forgetting the speed !..What is the difference in limiting the volume but not the speed ??
The volume can hurt the ears perminatly also it can cause a distraction, and others in the vicheal can mess with the volume. Speed is under the direct control of the Driver.
I don’t have a teen yet, so I am wondering if there is any good to offering second chances to wreck a car? and if the second car is wrecked if there is a benifit to offer another chance to drive you car?
When is it a good Idea to pull the plug and say NO? when your teen cannot conduct a car in a safe manner?
Thank you for all of the advice…
-D
Gosh, that’s a hard one. I think very few kids get off without at least a fender bender. Usually the experience scares them and they learn from it. There are some kids, though, that are reckless and think rules are to be broken. I would ask myself if the accident was their fault, if they understand how what they did contributed to the accident, and if they will be more careful in the future. I might insist a parent ride with them when they drive for a while so they can demonstrate that they know how to drive carefully. All 3 of my daughters were in minor accidents where no one was hurt. I think it’s probably a little harder with boys (girls are harder in other ways).
When you think their safety, and the safety of others is in danger, it’s time to pull the plug for awhile. They teach in Drivers’ Ed that driving is not a right, it’s a privilege. It can be revoked. Better a parent revokes it before there is a tragedy.
PS
One more thing. Our daughters were very close in age (the oldest 2 are adopted) and all were teens and driving at the same time. They had to share 1 car. We had to work out a schedule so they could get to their jobs and activities, and often we, the parents would give rides as there wasn’t enough car to go around. I think it was best that none of them had total freedom with the car. By the time they were able to buy their own cars they were pretty responsible.
Well, when the father works and the mother doesnt drive, there was a need to get our son a reasonable car to get to school and work after school and his wrecks were fender benders thus keys were taken away for awhile..I would rather have the radio in their ears, than a wreck in which someone could be seriously hurt..
P.S. by the way..ALL my sons had Drivers Ed
Betty, sounds like you’re a great mom who cares about her kids. Times have changed since I was raising kids. There are lots more things to distract them now, like cell phones and texting. I hope drivers ed teaches of those dangers. We have to pick our battles, but driving and safety are important.
This reminds me of something that was recently implemented at our local high school. My daughter came home with a paper for me to sign that explainedthat the school ( not district, just our school) has decided that if a child does not turn in their homework they will get an after school detention. They must finish their unfinished assignment in that detention or they have to come back the next day for another detention until the work is done. I have a really
good daughter who does her homework about 98% of the time, but should she choose not to, I’d like her to suffer the natural consequences, not be forced to do it. How will she learn to govern herself if she is never given the opportunity. We live in a mostly LDS community, so it baffles me that they don’t liken this action to taking away their free agency.
Anne,
I am in agreement to the Philosophy ,that you put forth here, about Natural Consequences. In this day and age we too often save people from the natural consequences of their actions and suplement some other punishment. Many times the natural consequences would have a lasting effect, while the implemented Punishment is short sighted and quickly forgot.
They miss the assignemnt their Grade suffers, and the parents decide if there needs to be further action.
We (adults) miss a day of work we take it in the pocket book… and out Boss decides if there needs to be any further action.
They fender-bend the car they fix it (and don’t get to drive until they show they can be safe (deturmined by responcible Parent)
We fender-bend the Car we need to get it fixed to drive it and sometimes we take a hit on insurance.
They “Total” the car they need to earn the money to buy their own car and get to drive only under strict supervision…(Parentail decision) a 16, 17, or 18 year old is still learning what it means to be an adult, they need the full dose of the reality of Adulthood before they are released on their own to make critical dicisions that impact their future.
We Parents are to guide them and offer experience adiquate for their preparation to join the adult world.
-D
Ditchu,
do you have children ?.Probably not,Philosophy works well when you speak it..A little harder when you have to live it..If you took away a child`s driving ability until he earns enough money to repair his car on after school student wages, he has no trandsportation to get to school or after school work Plus he will be an old man before he earns enough money to have his car repaired..Do you know what students are paid on ” after school” jobs ??..Like i said before I have 3 boys and 1 girl so I know what they are paid
If I remember correctly, Ditchu has a son that should be about 1 now.
I remember when my daughters were babies. I had all kinds of plans and dreams. Life seldom turns out the way you plan it. Challenges come that you couldn’t have imagined. You can read books and listen to all kinds of advice, and some of it is good. When it comes right down to it, though, what helps is to do your best to follow the Lord’s commandments and pray for guidance. Time after time, when unexpected problems arose that we had to deal with right then, we could feel inspiration come. We weren’t perfect parents. Our kids aren’t perfect, either. We went through some very rough times. Somehow we made it through those times and there is much love in our family now. We do our best to support each other.
Don’t forget grandparents. They can be a wonderful source of good influence on your children. I could tell my Grandma things I never would tell my Mom. Sometimes siblings can help you with your kids, too. Use all the resources available to you, but your best resource is inspiration from the Lord.
margaret,
you speak so wisely..I am speaking in the past as my children are all grown BUT I remember as if it were just yesterday..My two older, a boy and the one girl knew their two grandmothers but the two younger boys did not have the chance to know them as they had already passed away..
I just think it takes a parent with teenagers to speak with some wisdom..You are right..Prayer and the Lord`s help is what gets you through
Margaret,
You are correct!! My boy is about 2 weeks shy of his #1 Birthday (I can’t figure out if it is really his first or second as the day he was born was his first birthday by some reckoning).
Betty,
I do have a child, but am speaking from the point of view of when I was a teen and had a bike that I used to “get around” It works after school too! even after night-fall I had a headlight ($25 retail) Battery opperated (4AA), and a blinking tail “warning” light to notify Drivers that I was there ($10 retail).
I know that you may feel that it is unfair on you to teach your children responcibility, but it is unjust on the rest of the world, and unfair to them, not to.
The great thing about being a parent is you can make decisions, and you can defer the decision to the child. You can also give your child choices with limmits. The best way to deal with teens (that are smart enough to understand) is to share withem the results of a decision wether bennifits or consequences.If you have the time to discuss some important decisions that they can safly make, I would suggest an “if” approach. Pose to them situations and have them think abut the result, answer, then give them more input and create a dialouge about situations they will face.
Like, “If you choose to use the Car on Friday night, Where will you go and what do you plan to do?”
thne when you are satisfied whit their answers continue: “What if…” like what if you have a flat tire…” “what if you will return homw late?” “What if you have to rush someone to the hospital?” There are a pluthera of sinarios you can run through. Allowing them to be prepaired for what may happen is not inconveint to them even if they may feel like it is… It will only seem like an inconveiance until then need the preperation. It’s like “What if you are asleep and you awake to have your room filled with smoke, ther is a Fire…” If you have a plan and are prepaired, the reaction is quick decisive and usually correct. If you are ill preparied or don’t have a Plan there is place for hesitation, poor judgment, and slow action. The secound leading cause of death in home fires (right behind disfunctional Alarms) is that people were not prepaired and did not plan in case of a fire. The same thing with any major dicision especially when behind the wheel, when the entire world is comming at you, and there is always some foolish people behind the wheel, you never really know what they will do.
To finish off Betty, I do recongnize that experience is a major player in the differance between knowledge and wisdom. I have always had the nack of being able to put myself in the view point of others, this is a gift from God. If that alone does not qualify me to speak about teens then maybe my experience with them may, I used to work in the school system (as a computer tech/trainer) with both elementary age children and teens, and I currentlly teach a Sundayschool Class of teens in the Church. I understand how the teen mind may seem vacant and focused too much on certian things (I think, too many hormone signals going on all at the same time). I also know how hard it is to get a message accorss to them especially if it is about their safty. I would suggest to everyone out there that sees this, Don’t stop with just their safty. Do express how inportant their safty is, but emphsise that they have the lives of everyone that may be on the road when they are behind the wheel. They have a responcibility for the safty of others, Primarily (for themselves if they are riding in a car) If they are driving for the passangers in the car, then for themselves and others on the road.
If they get into an accident what are the consequences?
If they hit a pedesterian with the car what are the consequeces?
Safty is no joke and should never be taken lightly, especially when you mix in-experienced drivers with a half ton of metal exceeding speeds of 10-20 MPH.
Did you know that at every 10 MPH increes in speed of an inpact reduces the survival rate by 50%?
-D
Good advice Ditchu,My son could have been in your computer classes( just joking ) As his teacher often went on breaks and left him in charge, saying, you know as much as I do…In all fairness to my son, I will have to say, most of the fender benders were NOT his fault..One..A guy ran a red light and ran into him..another he was driving out in the country after picking up a friend..on a dirt road..did not know it was like a sand bog..There again like Margaret says, their brains arent fully developed, most likely he did not know how to react to the situation quickly…Just GLAD those teenage years are BEHIND me…Good luck and bless you in raising your little boy..